On becoming more visible and learning to feel safer being seen
Visibility is a word that we encounter all the time as creatives these days.
'Be more visible' we get told. Go to in-person events and talk to people, show our faces on IG lives and get ourselves seen on LinkedIn by the people who can help us.
But being visible as a creative is about so much more then learning how to use an app or booking on to the right events.
Some common things that hold sensitive creatives back from being more visible include:
😬 Fear of nasty nasty trolls.
😬 Worry that we are being judged by people IRL and online.
😬 Fear of saying or doing the wrong thing and being publicly shamed.
😬 Feeling that we aren't attractive enough/ don't look right.
😬 Thinking that we aren't professional or polished enough.
😬 Panicking that we have nothing interesting enough to share.
😬 Believing our work isn't ready to been seen.
😬 Fear of attracting the wrong kind of attention
😬 Thinking we won't cope if our work is suddenly seen by lots of people...and so on and so on!
I think it's important to acknowlege that our fears are based in our lived experiences. If you recognise those listed, it's not you imagining things but you being concious of some of the real risks that come with being visible. Due to prejudice in our society or our personal circumstances, for some of us it is less safe to be visible then it is for others and that also shouldn't be forgotten. Plus we may have had difficult past experiences that have demonstrated to us that being visible is risky.
But that doesn't mean we should stay hidden forever, unable to share our amazing creative work or imaginative minds.
Often what's keeping us stuck is that underneath all of these are common themes: feeling we aren't good enough, and feeling deeply unsafe.
Being visible in any context requires us to take the risk of being seen. I know that sounds obvious – 'well yes Ellie, isn't that the point of being visible' I imagine some of you are thinking.
But actually being seen for who we really are is TERRIFYING to most high sensitivity folks. 😱
We might initially think most of our fears are embedded in something bad happening – the cruel comment left by the anonymous troll or hearing that an acquaintance mocked our heartfelt work.
Not these trolls, these are the good kind of trolls.
But for many of us having our gifts or capabilities exposed is as scary as having our flaws exposed or being criticised by a troll.
I have two stories I share with clients around this which help to articulate how subtle the line between these can be.
When I worked primarily as a creative facilitator delivering arts education projects to schools and community groups I put my all into what I did. I loved the work and so worked hard, though I also struggled with the pressure I put on myself and the exhaustion that caused. At the end of projects we would often have a little celebration and I would be given a card or small gift. Inside would be beautiful comments from the people I had worked for, and even better there would sometimes be lovely notes from the children about how much they had enjoyed the experience.
I valued and appreciated these, and have kept them all. But each time within an hour of getting home I would start to feel anxious. I would ruminate on every tiny mistake I had made, and be haunted by all the opportunities I had missed to make the project a better experience for them. I would quickly wring every bit of joy out of a wonderful, joyful experience because beneath it all was the fear that those lovely people saw me as more capable then I believed myself to be.
And this new information would send my nervous system into overdrive - because it made me feel unsafe.
I would be haunted by thoughts like 'if I don't believe this, then how can it be true? Surely I have just conned these lovely people into seeing something in me that wasn't there and have just given myself further to fall when the 'truth' of my incompetence is finally exposed.'
How did I learn to deal with this? I began to accept the multi-faceted nature of who I was. Sometimes I do amazing work. Sometimes I make stupid mistakes. Mostly I'm...pretty good at what I do. When I realised this I was able to see that yes I had done a good job on that project, and that wasn't undermined the moment I accidentally pressed send on a half written email or forgot to pack a tool on the next.
But mostly I began to recognise those brain gremlins that popped up were just my brain struggling to cope with this positive information that challenged the painful but familiar feelings I found in my low self-esteem – something I inevitably struggled with as a sensitive person.
And once I understood this, I was able to recognise that when the gremlins were in full flow I needed to care for myself and turn to people I trusted, not to see those negative harmful messages my brain was serving me as evidence that I was a fraud.
The second story is a bit different, but it still has the same themes within it: feeling I wasn't good enough, and feeling deeply unsafe.
When I was beginning a new, exciting and VERY scary year long research and development project a few years ago I felt completely out of my depth. I was dealing with more complex and difficult topics than I had for a long time, and the fear of doing it 'wrong' was very very real. I began to project this insecurity on to every part of my creative work, imagining the angry criticism of the people out there who would disagree with my creations or find them insulting.
So I began to search for something I could create that was 100% ABSOLUTELY UNEQUIVOCALLY SAFE to create. Something no one could take any offence to, something that was completed free of any complex histories or difficult cultural questions and I found...nothing. Of course. The closest thing I could think of was the placeholder art that gets put in off the rack picture frames which are so bland they evoke no real emotions or thoughts (and even they come with problematic elements sometimes).
I wasn't going to do that. So the only choice that remained for me was to learn to accept that I couldn't control how every single person on this earth might react to my artwork. Yes I needed to make sure I was informed, and that I wasn't being ignorant. And sometimes I needed support from friends to unravel complex aspects or topics and to see where I was avoiding a difficult questions. But ultimately all I could do was trust that the only way I could share work with the world that others would resonate with was if I let my creativity lead, not my fear of criticism.
This is the kind of work I do now with my clients in the Stellar Sensitive Creatives programme, and visibility is a theme that often comes up.
How can we be visible but manage the fear that comes with being seen?
How do we tell if we are avoiding using a certain platform because we are scared, or if it simply doesn't work that well with our personality?
What are we hiding about our work because we don't believe it is good enough yet to be seen, and what do we want to keep as private parts of our creative process for our well being?
So if these questions resonate then please do take a look at Stellar Sensitive Creatives as I'll be closing all my 1:1 multi-session programmes on Friday 25th August. They won't be gone forever – I'll be reopening them again in Spring 2024 – but if you'd like to work together at the current prices to do this important work then the invitation is open to you :)
If you'd like to talk to me about this then please can book a Discovery Call using the button below:
I believe that we can find ways to share our thoughts, ideas and creative work with the world in ways that don't make us feel so unsafe we want to run away and hide. But how we do this will be unique to each of us.
Sending you lots of support as you navigate where these boundaries lie for you!
Eleanor 🌠